he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
