I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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