bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
