I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you never un-have a 4some
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
