This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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