I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
