My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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