The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
