you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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