Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
