Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
