In the future we'll all be gay
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
