Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
