My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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