I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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