And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
