oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
