he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
True college students do jello shots in the library
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
