Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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