My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
