I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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