have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
