does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my shit smells like andre
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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