I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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