i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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