And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
