I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
