Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
