Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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