i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
