I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
