Where did you get a picture of my penis
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
