I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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