Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
