drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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