the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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