I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
