My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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