Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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