I love black thongs
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dear god my vagina.
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