I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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