I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
