What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This baby is an asshole
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
