i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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