I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This house was built for laser tag.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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