Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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