thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
