I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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