Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
