that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
