Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
