I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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