this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
