My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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