Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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