don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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