i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
COCAINE IS GR8
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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