im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
