Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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