i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
