10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
