Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
