Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
