I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
