Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
