Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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