I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
