Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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