Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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