i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
