i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
