i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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