she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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